


To Save a Loved One (A Ladrien Story)

by InkJackets



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Akumatized Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, Bad Parent Gabriel Agreste, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Family Loss, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Hawk Moth is Gabriel Agreste, Heavy Angst, how did we get here, i honestly didn't mean for this story to get this dark, ladrien, there's um a lot of angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2019-10-12 09:21:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17464796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InkJackets/pseuds/InkJackets
Summary: Adrien almost gets akumatised...again. Ladybug decides to check up on him.But things take a dark turn when Hawkmoth makes Adrien an offer he doesn't know how to refuse.(Previously called A Ladrien Story)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [A Ladrien Story](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/450101) by buggachat. 



> As soon as I saw buggachat's comic, I knew I had to write something for it. And well I'm not the best at writing fluff, and there's a bit of angst, but here it is!
> 
> I hope you enjoy :)

‘Darkwings, fall.’

Gabriel’s low voice echoed around the room as magic swirled around him, reverting him to his civilian self. The slight shake in his hands was the only thing that betrayed the rage and frustration simmering inside of him. That and the darkness in his eyes. Nathalie took a step back. She had never seen him like this before.

’S-Sir?’ she stammered when those eyes pierced hers. A shiver ran down her spine. She had never seen him so _cold_ before.

He turned away from her and walked over to the large window giving a breathtaking view of Paris.

She held her breath and clutched her clipboard tight to her chest as tension filled the room.

‘We need a change of plan.’ Despite his soft voice, Gabriel’s words rang sharply around the room. ‘I can’t keep mindlessly controlling whoever happens to fly into a rage.’ He turned to look at her. She sucked in her breath as those dark eyes pierced hers. ‘I need a target, someone specific who will be sympathetic to our cause.’

‘Who do you have in mind, sir?’

Gabriel held her gaze a moment longer before sighing and looking away. His shoulders slumped. ‘I don’t know,’ he muttered.

Nathalie’s mind whirred as she thought of possible candidates.

‘To clarify, you want someone who understands you; someone who knows the pain of losing someone close to them.’

Gabriel nodded.

‘Sir, with all due respect, even if you did find someone, you’d need to explain your situation to them to garner their sympathy.’

‘And therein lies my dilemma,’ he smiled bitterly. ‘I need someone who I can trust. Someone who won’t betray me if secrets do spill.’

‘So you don’t need some random person… you need an ally,’ she finished slowly.

‘In a sense,’ Gabriel’s voice turned calculating. ‘I need someone I can manipulate into working for me.’

Nathalie’s eyes widened as a name came to her.

‘Sir…’ she hesitated.

He looked at her and raised an eyebrow. ‘What is it? You have someone in mind?’

Her eyes flicked to the floor before meeting Gabriel’s gaze.

‘I do, sir.’

‘Well…?’

‘The only person I can think of who meets all your requirements is… Adrien, sir.’

Nathalie swallowed as those deep grey eyes bore into hers.

‘You’d have me use my own son?’ His voice was a deadly whisper.

Nathalie swallowed. ‘It’s just an idea, sir. Forget I said it. Give me more time, I’ll come up with a diff-‘ she was cut off with a wave of Gabriel’s hand.

He slowly lowered his hand and put it behind his back, turning back to the window as he did so.

Nathalie bit her lip. She shouldn’t have said anything.

The air grew cold around them as they stood motionless in the room. Nathalie hardly dared to breathe. The silence was disturbed only by the fluttering of white butterflies awaiting their inevitable dark fate.

Gabriel turned his head ever so slightly to the side; the light from the window illuminating his silhouette but shrouding his face in darkness.

‘Nathalie, bring Adrien to my office,’ he said in a quiet but cold voice. ‘I wish to speak with my son.’

‘Yes, sir.’

 

* * *

 

**A Few Weeks Later…**

 

Stupid, stupid. He was being _stupid!_ Adrien stormed down the street as tears threatened to spill down his cheeks. He wiped them away angrily. He shouldn’t be crying dammit! _Stupid._

 But he couldn’t get those words out his head.

 

_You are a disappointment to the Agreste name._

_You are worthless to me._

_I thought you were my son?_

_I believed in you._

_What would your mother think?_

_What would your mother THINK?_

 

_W H A T  W O U L D   Y O U R   M O T H E R  T H I N K ?_

 

 

His father didn’t deserve his tears. He knew that. And yet… Adrien stifled a sob. He wanted his father to shut up. He wanted his thoughts to _SHUT UP!_

‘Adrien,’ Plagg said over his shoulder, ‘You need to calm down. How about some chee-‘

‘I’m _FINE,’_ he snapped. He cringed. Plagg was only trying to help. But he just felt so _angry._

How dare his father use his mother against him like that. Like…like he… _shut up!_ He willed his mind to _please_ stop thinking. He wanted it all to stop. To _stop,_ dammit! _STUPID._

‘ADRIEN!’ 

A cry from behind caused him to freeze.

‘Marinette?’ He turned around, thinking he’d heard his classmate call him. However instead he was met with an akuma fluttering in his face. He yelped and stumbled backwards, trying and failing to think happy thoughts. 

A yoyo came out of nowhere, so close to his face that he could feel the wind as it passed, and snapped up the akuma. The shock made him trip over his feet, slamming him into the floor. 

Adrien sucked in his breath as Ladybug landed a few metres in front of him. All his anger suddenly forgotten. Her chest was heaving and strands of hair fluttered loose from her usually perfect bunches. She had chased this akuma hard. 

Adrien watched, hand clutched to his chest as Ladybug purified the akuma, her warm little smile as she said ‘bye bye’ lit a light in his heart. He didn’t even realise he was still sitting on the floor until she walked over and knelt in front of him. 

She was beautiful, mesmerising. He held his breath with wonder as Ladybug filled his vision. His heart pounded in his chest.

‘Are you okay?’ she asked. Just like that, memories and anger slammed back into his being. Tears rose in his eyes once more and his hands started to shake. She offered him her hand, her blue eyes were wide with concern.

‘Do you want to talk about it?’ Her voice was low and gentle. Despite all the spying gazes of the gathering crowd, her words seemed to form a wall around them. Her eyes were for him only.

‘I-I…’ Adrien stuttered as Ladybug gently pulled him to his feet. He averted his eyes as his father’s words flashed through his head again. ‘I don’t know.’ He felt so torn. 

Ladybug opened her mouth to say something but yells of excitement rang out behind them. 

‘Ladybug, Ladybug!’ 

Both Ladybug and Adrien were jerked out of their little, walled world and back into reality as the surrounding crowd of people moved in to see their hero.

Ladybug’s hand started to slip from Adrien’s, but before the crowd could tear her away, he tightened his grip on her hand, forcing her to look into his eyes. 

‘Thank you, Ladybug,’ he said, smiling sincerely.

Ladybug’s eyes bore into his. She didn’t smile. He shifted uncomfortably as those knowing blue eyes pierced deep into his soul, seeing things he wanted to hide from her. Her hand slipped from his as the crowd swarmed them and broke them apart. 

 

* * *

 

Ladybug was perched on a rooftop. The night was dark and starless, but the city lights cast a yellow glow over the world. Her hair fluttered against her neck as she gazed down at the Agreste mansion. 

One prick of light shone out from the cold, dark house; shining from Adrien Agreste’s bedroom. The boy was sat huddled on his bed. Ladybug watched him. He was staring blankly ahead. Just as she’d thought, something was very wrong with him. 

She used her yoyo to pull herself onto the mansion’s rooftop and slowly slunk down until she was above his window. Suddenly, butterflies swarmed in her stomach. What was she doing? Sneaking out to see Adrien Agreste in the middle of the night? She shook her head and tried her best to quell the butterflies. She was simply doing her job as Ladybug, she tried to convince herself. But the butterflies refused to leave. 

Taking a breath to steady herself, she slowly lowered herself so that she was hanging in front of his window, and knocked. 

 

* * *

 

Adrien jumped when he heard a knock. His eyes widened when he saw Ladybug hanging in front of one of his windows. He hastily wiped his watery eyes and got up to let her in. 

Ladybug gracefully dropped in through the window and smiled up at him. Adrien tried to convince himself that it was the sudden breath of cold, night air that rendered him speechless and not her piercing blue eyes. 

‘Hi Adrien,’ Ladybug smiled.

‘Ladybug, hi.’ He felt the blood rising in his cheeks. He suddenly felt incredibly self-aware. He caught a glimpse of himself in the dark window and blanched at the sight of his dishevelled hair. He ran his hands through it in an attempt to flatten it. He hoped his eyes weren’t too red. He hoped Ladybug couldn’t tell he’d been crying.

The look on her face though indicated otherwise.

The silence lengthened between them.

Ladybug smiled, trying to diffuse the awkwardness. ‘Sorry for dropping in like this.’

Adrien smiled, but it was weak and fleeting. His heart wasn’t in it to laugh at the pun. 

‘It’s always a pleasure to see you Ladybug.’

Ladybug’s smile faltered for a split second. 

If he was anyone else he wouldn’t have noticed it. He cursed internally. Of course she’d see right through him.

‘I just wanted to check up on you,’ she said as if nothing had happened. ‘Today was the third time an akuma almost got you. So either Hawkmoth is targeting you,’ she joked but the smile slid off her face pretty quick, ‘or you’re not okay.’

Adrien averted his gaze and bit down on his tongue. 

‘You don’t have to talk about it,’ Ladybug said, ‘but just know I’m here if you ever do.

Adrien blinked. ‘That’s nice of you,’ he whispered.

She smiled.

Adrien rubbed the back of his neck, ‘I’d rather not talk about it if that’s alright with you. But a distraction would be nice.’ He smiled shyly up at her.

She grinned, ‘Sure! What do you want to do?’

Adrien glanced around his room. ‘Do you know how to play Ultimate Mecha Strike 3?’

He felt warmth flood his body when Ladybug’s eyes lit up. 

 

Ladybug was good. _Really_ good. Adrien was amazed. He hadn’t taken her for a gamer. Though her fighting style did seem vaguely familiar...

While they had both been a little awkward at first, they had soon relaxed and enjoyed battling each other on the console. Their fighting was punctuated with laughter and mock yelling. They whiled away an hour like this, giggling and smashing each other to bits on the game console. Eventually though, they started to get a little tired. After one more round, where Adrien was thoroughly thrashed by Ladybug, they both flopped back onto the couch and smiled at each other. Adrien couldn’t keep the grin off his face. He felt so warm inside. He looked at Ladybug. She too looked so happy. Her cheeks were flushed and eyes sparkled. Adrien couldn’t believe his luck.

Ladybug shifted her body so she was facing Adrien, she rested her elbow on the sofa top and propped her head up. 

‘How are you feeling?’ she asked.

Adrien’s smile slowly slid off his face as he remembered the reason she was here in the first place. His father’s words echoed around his head. The warmth in his heart started to fade.

‘It’s my father,’ he said quietly.

Ladybug tensed, but her eyes were filled with nothing but concern.

Adrien hesitated, but then words started to spill. ‘He’s been more strict with me than usual lately, and he’s started saying…things he’s never said before.’ He fidged with the controller in his hand. ‘I mean, he’s probably just on edge. Maybe work’s been kinda stressful recently?’ He didn’t really believe this, and he could tell Ladybug didn’t either. ‘I don’t know, ever since mum disappeared he’s acted different, but recently it’s gotten worse. And I don’t know what to do about it.' He gave a small sad shrug.

‘He shouldn’t be taking it out on you, though.’ Ladybug said 

‘I know, but what can I do?’

They both fell silent. Adrien felt an ache at the back of his head as a wave of tiredness suddenly washed over him. He yawned but was startled when Ladybug suddenly jumped up.

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t realise the time! You need to sleep,’ she said.

Adrien shook his head, forcing his eyes wide, ‘No, no its fine! I’m not that tired, really!’

Ladybug laughed, ‘I should probably be getting back anyway. It’s been fun though, I hope we can do this-‘

Adrien’s hand suddenly shot out and grabbed her’s. 

‘Don’t go.’

Ladybug blinked at him in surprise. He could feel the heat rise in his cheeks as Ladybug’s wide eyes held his, but he refused to let her hand slip away.

‘Okay,’ she said simply, her expression softening. Adrien released his breath. 

Still holding his hand, she climbed back onto the couch, ending up a lot closer to him than before. Adrien shifted his grip so that their fingers were entwined.

He looked into her eyes and felt his heart pump in his chest. 

‘I like having you here, Ladybug.’

Ladybug's cheeks flushed. ‘I like being here,’ she said.

 

* * *

 

**A Little Extra Scene**

 

Adrien was slowly drifting off to sleep. He was so warm curled up on the sofa with Ladybug, he wanted to stay here forever and never move. However, he was disturbed when she lifted her head.

‘Ladybug?’ he murmured. He opened his bleary eyes to see her staring ahead, wide awake. ‘Are you alright?’

Ladybug bit her lip and gave Adrien a cautious glance. ‘I can’t help but think, what if Hawkmoth _is_ targeting you?’

Adrien laughed. The sound muffled as he dug his head back against Ladybug’s neck.

‘Hey, I know I’m kinda well known but, come on. Who’d want to akumatise _me?’_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright this was supposed to be a one shot, but ~~ask~~ leave comments and kudos and you shall receive. This'll probably end up being about four chapters long
> 
> Umm btw, you might want to say goodbye to fluff… 
> 
> Also I upped the rating slightly cause of mild swears

A week had passed since Ladybug had first visited Adrien and she’d visited him nearly every night since. They’d have fun, play games, and ultimately end up cuddled on the couch. She loved hanging out with him. It was so easy to make him smile and it warmed her heart to see him happy. However, the light in his eyes always faded when she had to leave. And it worried her. It had gotten to the point where she’d sit on the rooftop opposite his room and wait until she was certain he was asleep before going home and collapsing into bed. Despite her precautions though, there had been another three akuma encounters. It was pure luck that she’d been around and managed to catch them in time.

It was evident his father’s words were still severely affecting him. But she honestly didn’t know how long she could keep this up.

It was exhausting being constantly vigilant. And it was starting to affect her civilian life…

 

_THUMP_

‘Ow!’ Marinette rubbed her head and glared at Alya, ‘What’d you do that for?’

‘I called your name like five times! What planet were you on, Mari?’

Marinette groaned and rubbed her eyes. She forced them wide open, ‘I’m sorry, I’m back. What were you saying?’

Alya crossed her arms and looked at her friend suspiciously. ‘It’s not like you to be so out of it during one of Adrien’s photoshoots,’ she said.

Marinette turned her attention back to the photoshoot that was taking place in the park. ‘Just tired is all. Been sleeping badly,’ she said.

Alya looked at her a moment longer but let it go.

Marinette sighed. It was a beautiful afternoon but she was too shattered to appreciate it. The brightness of the sun only added to the ache in her eyes, and the chaos of the set added to the pounding in her head.

Her eyes fell on Adrien. He looked gorgeous. He was all made up and modelling the latest Agreste clothing line. Butterflies stirred in Marinette’s stomach but even they were lethargic. She closed her eyes. As much as she loved Adrien, she wanted nothing more than to be curled up in bed right now. But she just couldn’t risk him getting akumatised. She didn’t want to admit it, but it was looking more and more like Adrien was being targeted by Hawkmoth. She rubbed her temples.

‘You look like you need some caffeine,’ Alya said. ‘Wanna go grab a coffee?’

Marinette’s eyes flicked back to Adrien before nodding. She could leave him for a bit.

 

Having her hands wrapped around a warm cup of coffee made Marinette feel much better. She eagerly sipped at the drink, letting the caffeine work its way through her veins as she and Alya made their way back to the park. Her eyes darted around but she relaxed when she spotted Adrien once more. He was taking a break and talking on the phone. Her eyes narrowed. Was it just her imagination or was he looking tense?

‘So when do you think you’re gonna ask him out?’

Marinette spat out her coffee. ‘W-What?’ she sputtered as Alya laughed.

‘Girl, you’re looking at him with such intensity! And not just today either, you’ve been staring at him all week.’ She smirked, ‘What’re you planning?’

‘Planning?’ Marinette grew flustered, ‘I’m not planning anything! I don’t plan - I mean, I _plan_ , but not for- I mean I can’t just _ask_ …’ She trailed off as Alya’s laughter cut through her rambling. Marinette pouted and glared at her friend over the top of her coffee, but she couldn’t help but smile.

Once Alya’s laughter died down she turned back to her friend. ‘Alright, tell me what’s really up.’ Her tone was serious this time.

Marinette didn’t answer straight away. She took another sip of her drink as she watched Adrien. His break was over and he was modelling once more, but she couldn’t help but feel like he wasn’t as natural as before.

‘I’m worried about Adrien,’ she said. ‘He’s been kinda down recently.’

‘Something’s definitely wrong,’ Alya agreed, ‘what with all those akuma’s chasing him.’

Marinette choked, ‘You know about them?’

Alya looked at her strangely, ‘Girl, I run the Ladyblog. It’s my _job_ to know about them. What do you even mean by that? You know I-‘

They both jumped as a scream pierced the air. It sent shivers down Marinette’s spine.

‘What the-' Alya was alert and had already pulled her phone out to record.

‘Akuma!’ Somebody shrieked.

Chaos ensued. People ran in all directions to avoid the black butterfly, knocking over equipment and running into each other as they did so.

‘Shit,’ Marinette stumbled forwards and dropped her coffee as she looked for a hiding place, but there were too many people about. She ran out of the park, ignoring Alya’s yells, and ducked into an alleyway.

‘Marinette?’ Tikki flew out her bag, eyes wide with concern.

‘Adrien’s in trouble!’ She paused as some people ran by the alleyway. ‘Tikki, transform me!’ Her fatigue washed away as Tikki’s magic enveloped her. Within seconds she was swinging up onto a nearby rooftop, overlooking the park. Her eyes scanned the thinning crowd. ‘Come on, come on,’ she muttered as she struggled to find the akuma. _Where was it?_

Her eyes landed on Adrien. He was oddly still. She frowned, why wasn’t he running? Then it hit her, the akuma was already in him. _Crap._ She swung down into the park and prayed that she’d get there before he agreed to Hawkmoth’s terms. She landed in front of him. His eyes were glazed over. She looked at him wildly. She had no idea where the akuma was. She made a wild guess and shot out her yoyo, pulling his phone out his hand. She threw it on the ground and smashed it with her heel. Nothing flew out. Panic rising, she tried again, this time grabbing his hat. But again, nothing. She tried one more time, this time ripping the scarf from his throat and tore it in two. She practically sank to the ground with relief as a black butterfly flew out. She swiftly purified it and summoned a swarm of ladybugs to repair everything as Adrien’s eyes blinked back into focus.

‘Ladybug?’ he said.

Her blood froze as she met Adrien’s gaze. His usual sparkling eyes had turned cold, as if the life had been sucked out of them.

‘Adrien,’ she ran over to him, ‘what’s wrong?’

‘I-I…’ His eyes widened as he struggled to breathe. He started to panic. 'Hawkmoth, he-' He slammed his hand to his mouth, his eyes filled with horror.

Ladybug placed her hands on his shoulders in an attempt to calm him down. ‘It’s alright, he didn’t get you.’

Adrien shook his head, 'Oh God, no, no, I can’t.’ His words were muffled by his hand.

‘Breath, Adrien,’ Ladybug tried to soothe him.

But Adrien didn’t seem to hear. ‘Ladybug, I can’t! No, no, no,’ Desperation clawed its way out of him. ‘I can’t!’ Tears rose in his eyes, ‘Ladybug, _please!’_ The terror in his voice was ice down her spine. ‘I _can’t,_ no, _no,_ _NO!’_

‘Adrien!’ Ladybug cried as he fell to his knees. Tears started flowing down his cheeks and over his hands. She started to panic. She had no idea what was wrong with him. Akumatised victims had never acted like this before.

Adrien raised his head and looked at her, but didn’t say anything. She sucked in her breath. His eyes…

Ladybug was shoved to the side as doctors rushed forward to make sure Adrien was all right. The moment was broken. She took out her yoyo and swung away before anyone could question her. She de-transformed and found Alya.

‘Girl, are you okay?’

Marinette’s hands shook. No, she was not okay.

‘Yes,’ she whispered.

She looked over to where the paramedics were wrapping Adrien in a blanket. He was numbly complying. His expression empty and ashen. She shivered. Even from here she could still see his harrowed eyes. They were haunting.

 

* * *

 

The beautiful day had turned overcast by the time Ladybug leapt off her balcony into the evening air. The sky was grey and it was drizzling. The only colour came from the city lights, casting a dull yellow glow on the world.

Ladybug spotted Chat Noir at their rendezvous point and landed softly behind him. The raindrops collecting on his suit reflecting the bright lights.

Ladybug didn’t know whether it was just because of the rain, but Chat Noir looked oddly solemn. However, he smiled like usual when she walked up to him.

‘My Lady,’ he gave a small bow, ‘how are you this fine evening?’ His brilliant green eyes contrasted vividly with the world around them, but even still, there was a lifelessness about them.

Ladybug raised an eyebrow. ‘It’s cold and raining,’ she said.

‘Well, I’m _feline_ fine now that you’re here.’ He grinned, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

Ladybug rolled her eyes, ‘You’ve used that one before.’

Chat’s smile faltered. He stood up straight and dropped the humour from his posture. ‘Yeah, I’ve been struggling to come up with new ones.’ He leant back against a chimney wall and stared out over the city.

Ladybug felt a twist of unease in her gut. ‘Are you alright, Chat?’

He didn’t look at her. He crossed his arms and gave a small shrug. ‘I don’t know.’ His expression was blank.

Ladybug rubbed her temples. She was worried about Chat, but she had bigger problems right now.

‘Listen, there’s something serious we need to discuss.’

Chat turned to face her and became business-like, became more normal.

‘What is it?’

‘Do you know Adrien Agreste?’

Chat’s eyes flicked to the side, ‘I know of him, yes.’

‘Well…’ Ladybug took a deep breath in and braced herself to reveal the knowledge she’d been denying for a while. ‘He’s been targeted by Hawkmoth. He’s almost been akumatised seven times now. But, uh, I happen to be around him a lot so I’ve always managed to get there in time before he actually, you know, gets akumatised.’

Chat looked at her a moment. Suddenly a glint appeared in his eye. He smirked, ‘A bit of a fan of the Adrien Agreste, are we now?’ he teased. ‘If you’re into blonds then I guess I _do_ stand a chance after all.’

Ladybug snorted and pushed him away. ‘It’s just luck that I managed to be there every time,’ she said, falling back into serious mode, ‘but it’s only a matter of time before he _does_ get akumatised.’

Chat’s smile fell. He leant his head back against the wall, ‘You seriously reckon it’s only a matter of time?’ His tone was oddly subdued.

Ladybug nodded. ‘He almost got akumatised today. I almost didn’t make it in time and I was _right there._ I was _with_ him.’ She pulled at one of her damp bunches as panic rose in her gut at the memory.

Chat remained silent; staring out at the grey world, lost in thought. The rain had started to pick up and there was now a faint pattering on the rooftops

She looked at him, ‘Could you help…?’

She trailed off as Chat shook his head. His expression pained. ‘I’m sorry, there’s no way I’d be able to help you tail Adrien.’

‘Oh.’

They both lapsed into silence. Ladybug was at a loss. She didn’t know what to do. She ran her hands through her fringe and closed her eyes. And she was tired. Even as Ladybug, she was starting to feel the familiar ache behind her eyes.

_‘Why?’_ Chat exclaimed.

Ladybug jumped at his sudden outburst.

‘Why Adrien? Why did Hawkmoth have to choose _him?’_ Chat’s voice had an edge of desperation in it. ‘He’s just some model! He’s nobody important!’

Ladybug narrowed her eyes. ‘He’s important to a lot of people out there,’ she said.

Chat eyed her for a moment. His sudden anger faded. ‘You know what I mean.’

‘I know,’ she said softly. ‘I wish I knew too.’

Silence swirled around them once more as the rain fell. Being in the suit meant she wasn’t cold but it still wasn’t pleasant. Her wet hair stuck to the back of her neck and she could feel drops trickle down her back. She wiped her dripping fringe out her eyes and leant against the wall.

‘Hey, L-B?’

Ladybug was pulled from her mind as Chat’s worried voice called her.

‘Yes?’ Ladybug looked at him. He was tense and hunched over.

He hesitated. ‘If Adrien gets akumatised… I can’t promise I’ll be there to help.’

Ladybug furrowed her brow. ‘What do you mean?’

Chat ran his hands through his wet hair. ‘Something’s come up recently, I guess. And it means you can’t rely on me coming to help.’

‘What do you mean? You’re my partner, of course I can rely on you!’

Chat shook his head, he looked up at Ladybug with eyes full of pain and sorrow.

‘Not this time, my lady. I’m sorry.’

 

* * *

 

The rain was pouring down by the time Ladybug left for Adrien’s. She had stayed on that rooftop for a while, wondering about what to do. But she’d come up with nothing. She’d originally thought her and Chat would be able to come up with a plan together, but he had been more than unhelpful. He had muttered something about meeting someone and scampered off early before she could protest. And then there was what he had said before. What did he mean he couldn’t help? And ‘something’s come up’? What sort of an excuse was that? She let out a groan of frustration.

She tried to remove Chat from her mind as she drew closer to Adrien’s house. She really didn’t want to tell him he was being targeted. She just wanted to hang out and play games. She sighed. Tiredness was definitely settling in her bones.

 

When she reached the Agreste mansion she swiftly dropped in through the window Adrien had left open. She glanced around the room but he wasn’t there. There were, however, a couple of towels on the side. Ladybug smiled as warmth started to blossom within her once more. He truly was a thoughtful boy. She grabbed a towel and patted her suit dry. She was just squeezing the water from her bunches when Adrien walked out of the bathroom in his pyjamas, towel drying his hair. His eyes lit up at the sight of her.

‘You found the towels then,’ he smiled.

‘Yes, thank you.’ She was glad to see he had some life back in his being. She’d been afraid she’d find him as she’d left him. She shivered at the memory of his eyes.

Adrien walked over to a chest of drawers and pulled out a hoodie. He slipped it over his head before pulling out another and offering it to Ladybug.

‘Oh, I’m not cold,’ she said quickly, ‘the suits good like that.’

‘I know, but it’s a miserable night out there, which means we need to be cosy in here.’

Ladybug hesitated before taking the hoodie and pulling it over her head. She shoved her hands in the pockets. It _was_ cosy. She caught Adrien’s eye. They both blushed. She looked away wide-eyed, both mortified and pleased. She was wearing Adrien’s hoodie. _She was wearing Adrien’s hoodie!_

Ladybug looked back up when Adrien cleared his throat. He was bright red. ‘So uh, what do you want to do tonight?’

Ladybug wrung her hands inside the hoodie pockets. She’d originally planned on just coming to talk tonight. She couldn’t put off this conversation any longer. But when she looked Adrien, at his expectant expression, her heart sank. She couldn’t do it. Not yet.

Ladybug glanced around the room. Over the past week, they’d done everything from rock climbing to basketball, foosball, and gaming. All very competition heavy games. Tonight, however, she wanted to stay away from adrenaline.

‘Let’s just stick a movie on.’

They put a rubbish action film on. They had both wanted something easy to watch which they didn’t need to take seriously. However, it wasn’t doing its job distracting Ladybug from her mind. She glanced at Adrien. His eyes were glazed over. Apparently it wasn’t distracting him either.

About half an hour into the movie, Ladybug couldn’t take it any longer. She picked up the remote and paused the movie.

‘Adrien, I’m sorry but we need to talk.’

‘Yeah, I was wondering when you were going to say that,’ he said listlessly.

Ladybug clenched her fists in her lap to stop herself from fidgeting.

‘Hawkmoth is targeting you.’

He tensed and averted his gaze. ‘I know.’

Ladybug blinked. ‘You do?’

‘Today was the seventh akuma. I’m honestly a little surprised you didn’t tell me sooner,’ he gave a hollow smile.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said, ‘I didn’t want to believe it.’

‘Me neither.’

Ladybug fell silent. She felt her gut twist inside her. This wasn’t right. It wasn’t _fair_.

Adrien sniffed. Ladybug looked up and was dismayed to see tears fall down his cheeks. ‘It’s bad enough that my father’s mad at me,’ he said, wiping the tears away, ‘but now Hawkmoth is trying to akumatise me.' Adrien laughed. The sound made Ladybug’s blood run cold. ‘It’s like, I’m not even allowed to be angry! Not even a little bit, or guess what? I’m gonna hurt all my friends and destroy the person I love!’

Ladybug’s heart stopped. Adrien froze when he realised what he’d said.

Ladybug placed a hand on his shoulder. ‘It’s okay,’ she said.

He dropped the tension from his body. ‘I just… I just don’t know…’ He fell silent.

Ladybug felt sick. What had Adrien done to deserve this?

She rubbed his back gently. ‘We’ll get through this. Everything will be alright in the end.’

For a moment, the only sound was the pattering of rain on the windows.

‘You don’t know that.’ Adrien’s voice was low and biting.

Ladybug tensed. She took her hand off of his back and placed it back in her lap.

Adrien sighed, ‘I’m sorry Ladybug, I didn’t mean it like that, I just-‘

Ladybug shook her head, cutting him off. ‘No, it’s okay. You’ve been through a lot today.’

He looked away, but Ladybug could still see the stress and exhaustion eating away at him.

‘Tell me, Ladybug,’ he hesitated, ‘do you think Hawkmoth is truly all that bad?’

Ladybug jerked her head to look at him. He was curled in on himself and looking at the ground.

‘He turns people into villains to try and steal my and Chat Noir’s miraculous,’ she said carefully. ‘Of course he’s bad.’

There was a moment of silence before Adrien spoke again. ‘He has a reason you know.’ His voice was soft but rang clear.

Ladybug sat up straight. ‘What?’

‘Today, when the akuma entered my scarf,’ his hand involuntarily rubbed his neck, ‘I spoke with Hawkmoth and… he told me…’ Adrien swallowed, ‘He told me he was doing this to save the one he loved.’

‘Oh Adrien,’ Ladybug looked at him with sympathy, ‘He was probably just saying that to get you on his side.’

Adrien shook his head fiercely, ‘No, he was telling the truth, I could _tell._ ’ He clenched the edges of the sofa, turning his knuckles white. ‘But then he mentioned my mother.’ Adrien turned his head and looked up at her, tears welled in his eyes. ‘He asked me, how far I’d be willing to go to save her. And… that question haunts me because, if I could get a hold of some power to bring her back…’ Ladybug stiffened as that cold, haunting look returned to his eyes. His voice dropped to a whisper.

‘I don’t know if I could say no.’

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken me so long to write. I tried to outline! I promise! But the story kept coming out different every time I sat down to write it. (that's what I get for continuing a story that was only meant to be a one-shot lol)  
> Fingers crossed next chapter doesn't take as long. I still don't know exactly how its going to end, but I've got a fairly good idea of the direction its going in.  
> And just so you know I'm probably going to change the title some point in the future cause the focus has kinda shifted from ladrien aha
> 
> Oh and I've updated the tags. You might want to read them cause this chapter gets heavy...

Adrien woke up the next morning exhausted. He had struggled to sleep, and what little sleep he had gotten had been plagued with nightmares. He rolled out of bed. But he’d rather be at school than stay at home all day.

So it was after a lonely breakfast, disturbed only by the steady dripping of rain on the window panes, that he shouldered his bag and his burdens and made to leave the house.

Except his father was waiting for him. Standing, as usual, at the top of the stairs.

Adrien clenched his jaw and walked right up to the front door, completely ignoring him.

‘Good morning, Adrien.’

Adrien closed his eyes. He knew it wouldn’t have worked. He slowly released his hand from the door handle and turned around, refusing to meet his father’s eye, refusing to feel intimidated.

‘Hullo, Father.’

His father walked down the stairs towards him. Each step deliberate; delicate; soul piercing as they rung out in the marble hallway.

Adrien tried not to cringe away as his father drew close. Conversations with him these last couple of weeks had never ended well. He flinched when his father placed his hands on his shoulders, but rather than the vice-like grip he was expecting, his hands were warm and comforting. Adrien looked up with dubious surprise.

‘My dear son, are you alright?’ His father looked earnestly into Adrien’s eyes, but Adrien averted his gaze and shrugged. ‘You went through a lot yesterday,’ he continued. ‘It reminded me just how dangerous the world is.’ Adrien warily met his gaze. His father’s voice was gentle but had a deadly undercurrent. ‘You should stay at home.’

‘No,’ Adrien stepped back as panic flared in his gut. ‘I’m not letting you take that away from me.’

His father sighed and drew himself upright.‘I’m trying to protect you, Adrien. You _will_ stay at home. It’s what your mother would have wanted.’

Adrien looked deep into his father’s steely grey eyes. He willed those words to be true, that his father truly did believe that’s what his mother would want, and that he really did want to protect him. But with a dull ache, he realised only deceit and mistrust lay behind those words.

Adrien suddenly felt a deep exhaustion settle in his bones that had nothing to do with his sleepless night.

He shook his head. ‘It’s what _you_ want, Father.’ He held his father’s gaze. For once those unreadable grey eyes were unable to unsettle him. ‘I wish you’d tell me why.’

His father didn’t say anything.

‘I’m going to school.’ Adrien’s face fell flat as he turned away. ‘Whether you want me to or not.’

Adrien could practically feel the reverberation of his footsteps as he walked through the silence. But they were cut short when his father’s soft voice sliced through the air once more.

‘There used to be a time where you called me Dad.’

Adrien froze. His father’s words dug a hole in his heart already black with grief and loss.

He closed his eyes and bit back the tears threatening to spill out.

‘There used to be a time where you cared about me.’

He felt his father stiffen behind him, but Adrien felt no remorse for his words as he walked out the front door.

In fact, he felt nothing at all.

 

* * *

 

Nathalie took three deep breaths before stepping through the doorway. She didn’t want to look like she’d been eavesdropping. 

Gabriel’s expression immediately became unreadable. She thought she saw pain flash behind his eyes, but she wasn’t sure.

‘That didn’t go as planned,’ Gabriel said quietly. ‘He didn’t get angry.’

‘Sir?’

‘I demanded he stay at home. That should have upset him.’

Nathalie didn’t say anything.

‘He’s become apathetic.’ Gabriel pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. ‘I need _emotions_ if I’m to akumatise him.’

Nathalie’s knuckles whitened around her clipboard. She wanted to see Gabriel happy, she truly did. But she loved Adrien too.

‘What are you going to do?’ she asked.

He lowered his hands. ‘I’m going to show him something I should have shown him a long time ago.’

Nathalie’s eyes widened. _‘No,’_ she whispered.

‘Excuse me?’

‘Uh, I mean, Mr Agreste, sir,’ she stammered under his scrutinising gaze but swiftly regained her composure. ‘If I may, sir. I know I was the one to suggest Adrien for this, but perhaps you should reconsider. This isn’t good for him. What you’re going to show him will hurt him.’ She hesitated. ‘Will hurt you.’

Nathalie felt a shiver down her spine as Gabriel looked at her with those cold grey eyes of his.

‘I know,’ he said.

She didn’t imagine the glimmer of pain behind his eyes this time.

‘You don’t have to do this,’ she pleaded. ‘You can always…’ she swallowed as she braced herself to say the words she’d always wanted to, but never dared say. ‘You can always move on.’

She held her breath as Gabriel held her gaze. She felt as if they were both standing on thin ice. And Gabriel’s next words, his next step, would determine whether the ice would crack or hold.

Ever so slowly Gabriel shook his head.

‘I’ve come too far. It’s too late to turn back now.’

They both plunged into icy water.

Nathalie’s expression became unreadable as she smothered her emotions.

‘Very well, sir.’

She turned on her heel and walked away to attend to her daily duties.

Gabriel had made his choice. She would do everything in her power to help him.

That was the promise she’d made.

 

* * *

 

As soon as Adrien stepped into the classroom, Marinette could tell something was wrong.

Usually Adrien was pretty good at hiding his emotions. But today Marinette could clearly see the cracks.

And she wasn’t the only one to notice.

Nino made a bigger effort than normal to make him smile. Alya tried to involve him more in their conversations. Even Chloe tried to engage with him with more sincerity than normal.

And Adrien smiled. He talked. He laughed. He went through all the motions perfectly. But everyone could tell his heart wasn’t in it.

Marinette looked at him in dismay. Was it what she’d said last night? Was it the thought of being akumatised getting him down? Or was it just his father being himself again? Marinette stared at the blond head in front of her and chewed her pen like the worry gnawing her from the inside out.

She jumped when someone snatched the pen out of her mouth.

‘Girl, you chew that pen any harder and your mouth’s gonna be stained black.’

Marinette slumped forward onto the table and groaned.

‘What’s up with you?’ Alya said, not unkindly.

‘I’m just tired,’ she mumbled into the table. Technically it wasn’t a lie.

‘Come on,’ Alya pulled her up, ‘Let’s go get lunch.’

‘Class is over?’ Marinette jerked upright and realised everyone was packing up around her.

‘Damn girl, you really were out of it!’ Alya laughed but Marinette wasn’t listening. A voice had caught her attention.

Adrien.

_‘I just need some time alone, I’ll catch you later, okay Nino?’_

Marinette narrowed her eyes. He didn’t look like himself at all. He looked so down.

She suddenly felt alert.

‘Hey, watch my stuff for me,’ she gestured absentmindedly at Alya, ‘I’ll be right back.’

She walked away and out the door, ignoring Alya’s spluttery protests.

She followed Adrien out the classroom, down the stairs, and into the courtyard where it was starting to get rowdy with congregating students.

She watched him as he went over and sat on a bench by himself. She hummed in concern before walking up to him.

‘Hi,’ she said.

He looked at her.

‘Hey.’ He smiled, but it fell flat almost instantly. He glanced away.

Marinette fidgeted a moment before sitting down next to him.

Up close he looked worse than normal. His eyes were shadowed from lack of sleep and his hair had lost its lustrous shine. She bit her lip to hide her unease and followed his lifeless gaze.

Children were running and playing over the schoolyard. Screams, shouts and laughter bounced around. The joyful noise was jarring against the solemn stillness that surrounded Adrien.

Marinette turned to him once more when he started to speak, almost dreamlike, into the stillness.

‘Do you ever feel like your life is out of your control? Like you’re walking down a set path and there’s no way off.’

Marinette smiled sadly but didn’t say anything.

‘I don’t want to be walking down this path that I’m on.’ Pain welled in Adrien’s eyes. ‘I know what’s going to happen. And I don’t know how to avoid it.’ His voice cracked as distress leaked through.

‘I’m sorry, you don’t want to hear any of this,’ he muttered, suddenly aware of his words.

‘It’s okay, I’m here to listen,’ Marinette said softly. ‘That’s what friends are for.’

Adrien looked at her, gratitude lighting up his dull eyes.

But a deep foreboding settled uneasily in Marinette’s gut.

 

* * *

 

Adrien had expected his father’s wrath when he returned from school. So it was no surprise when his father called out to him as soon as he stepped through the door. Though this time he was at the bottom of the stairs. Adrien narrowed his eyes as his father walked up to him. He didn’t cringe away; he didn’t flinch as his father wrapped his arms around him and enveloped him in a warm hug. But he made no effort to return the gesture. He stood still and limp in his father’s arms and waited patiently for him to pull back, giving him an empty glare when he did so.

His father rested his hands on Adrien’s shoulders and met his glare with a gentle smile.

‘You wanted to know why I need to protect you,’ he said. Adrien said nothing. ‘There are dangerous people in this world, people who want to hurt you.’ His voice turned deadly cold. ‘People who hurt your mother.’

Adrien frowned ever so slightly as his heart rate increased, but he stayed silent. He didn’t show his confusion and shock. But he couldn’t help but shiver as his father spoke once more.

‘Come with me, Adrien. I have something to show you.’

A deep dread knotted itself in his gut.

Adrien shook his head and tried to take a step back but Nathalie was standing right behind him, looking more severe and blank than usual. Adrien swallowed as she took his bag and he realised he had no choice but to follow his father.

Adrien’s wary footsteps contrasted his father’s confident strides as he led Adrien into his office and up to his mother’s portrait.

Adrien gazed up at her golden face. He had always loved this picture. It was full of light and love and hope and always put him at ease. But not this time. This time he only felt apprehension swirl inside as she stared down at him with her unseeing eyes.

His father held out his hand. Adrien saw a glint of metal as Nathalie placed something in his palm. A key. His father lifted an invisible panel next to the portrait to reveal a small hole. He inserted the key. Adrien’s eyes widened when the portrait - safe and all - swung open to reveal a doorway.

‘Come, Adrien,’ his father said.

‘Father?’ Uncertainty rang clear in Adrien’s voice.

‘I said, come.’ His father’s words were gentle, but there was an air of exhaustion and finality about them. There was no arguing with those cold grey eyes.

Adrien stepped forward into the darkness.

 

* * *

 

A spiral stone staircase led them down, down, down; deep into the earth.

They descended in silence.

The air was musty and the stone, old. Adrien feared the secrets they held.

After an age, they reached the bottom and stepped through a stone archway onto a metal walkway. Adrien gasped. The walls and floor fell away as they walked into a formidable chamber. It was nothing like Adrien had ever seen before. The ceiling arched high above and the floor dropped away deep beneath them. Far on the other side, brilliant light shone down onto a magnificent tree Adrien realised was growing from the ground. Its branches merged with the open platform above, forming a floor of lush greenery on its surface. The backdrop to it all was a large circular structure reminiscent of a butterfly.

It was both disturbing and beautiful.

But Adrien could only look about in trepidation. Why did his father have a secret underground cavern? _How_ did his father have a secret underground cavern?

‘Father…’ Adrien tried to speak, but his voice was shaking, ‘I don’t… What is-’

He bit down on his tongue when his father turned and looked at him.

Adrien thought he saw sadness and regret in his father’s eyes, but he wasn’t sure if it was just the strange lighting.

‘What do you know about your mother’s disappearance?’

‘Oh,’ he hadn’t been expecting that. ‘Um, nothing really. Just one day she was there, and the next she wasn’t, I guess.’ His heart clenched. Thinking about that day brought back painful memories. Memories of confusion and outrage and denial. Of screams and tears and grief.

‘What if I told you your mother didn’t disappear.’

Adrien’s head shot up. ‘What?’

‘She didn’t disappear,’ he repeated.

‘H-How do you know?’ Adrien hated how his voice shook. He clenched his fists to stop them trembling too.

‘Because she’s right here.’

Adrien stopped breathing. His gaze darted around.

 _Where_ , he started to say, but his father raised a single hand and gestured to the other end of the cavern where, nestled amongst the greenery, glass glinted in the light.

Adrien didn’t realise he was moving down the walkway until the metallic echoes of his footsteps crashed onto his ears.

 _No._ Horror mounted Adrien with each step. _No. No!_ _It couldn’t be._

But as he drew closer, the figure in the glass coffin grew clearer.

‘Mum?’ He found himself crying as he stumbled forwards.

‘Mum!’ He picked up speed as tears welled in his eyes and his chest tightened and his breath hitched in his throat.

 _‘Maman!’_ He screamed like he was eight years old again, crying for his mummy after a nightmare as he raced towards that terrible light where his mother lay.

 _MAMAN!’_ He slammed into the coffin.

 _‘MAMAN!’_ Tears streamed down his cheeks

 ** _‘MAMAN!’_** He screamed and screamed as he clawed at the glass and his heart ripped to pieces and he screamed.

Time lost all meaning as grief and confusion tore itself from him in the form of that piercing scream, crying over and over for his mother who lay indifferent and unmoving under the glass beneath his fingers.

 

Eventually Adrien found himself on the ground, sobbing at the foot of the coffin.

He became aware of his father standing behind him.

Adrien swallowed and tried to speak.

‘W-What is she doing in here? Is she…is she…’ he couldn’t bring himself to say that terrible word.

‘Yes.’

Adrien wailed and hunched over as sickness and denial stabbed him in the gut.

‘No, no, no, _Maman!’_ His shoulders shook and tears splashed onto the floor as his heart tore in two.

His father knelt down next to him and wrapped his arms around his son.

Adrien turned into his embrace and sobbed into his father’s chest.

His father murmured words of comfort and reassurance as Adrien cried.

Adrien didn’t take in his words at first, too upset to make sense of anything, but slowly the words penetrated the grief-stricken fog in his mind.

He pulled back and hiccuped as he tried to suppress his sobs. ‘W-What did you s-say?’

‘I said don’t you worry, my son. We’ll bring her back.’

‘H-How?’

Gabriel ran his hands down Adrien’s arms comfortingly before speaking.

‘You know why Hawkmoth wants Ladybug and Chat Noir’s miraculous, don’t you?’

Adrien hesitated and wiped his eyes before nodding.

‘To s-save the one he loved.’

His eyes widened. They flicked from his father, to his mum, and back to his father.

‘Are you in league with Hawkmoth?’ he asked in a horrified whisper.

‘Adrien,’ his father said in his gentle, cold way. Adrien’s stomach twisted as pain and grief filled his father’s eyes.

‘I _am_ Hawkmoth.’


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have a new title! Yay! (though i’m keeping a ladrien story in brackets just in case :p)
> 
> Warnings for some pretty graphic grieving and a short panic attack in the first part of this chapter.
> 
> Also can I just say? Gabriel is the f*cking worst.

Lightning flashed.

Thunder crashed.

And the rain poured as footsteps splashed across the rooftops; despairing, desperate, so hopelessly wretched.

Chat Noir’s silhouette lit up against the dark world.

The ground trembled beneath him with each rumble from the sky.

And each step reverberated through him as he clawed through the rain; shivering and shaking but never losing his footing. Harsh breaths tearing his throat and tears stinging his cheeks, while bile and confusion churned within him.

His father was Hawkmoth.

He stumbled as the thought flashed in his mind.

His father was _Hawkmoth._

He choked on the rain and pushed himself faster.

His father was Hawkmoth. And his mother was dead.

Chat Noir gave a gut-wrenching wail that cracked through the air and ripped at his mind. He could feel himself tearing at the seams and pressure pounded in his skull. He gritted his teeth and clenched his body. He pushed himself harder and faster, bounding across rooftops, weaving through the chimneys. His muscles strained and his breathing laboured and the rain pelted him relentlessly, forcing the grief and confusion from his mind and body.

But it wasn’t enough.

Adrien staggered as he dropped his transformation and the elements slammed into him. Fresh tears rose in his eyes but he kept moving, he kept running; he leapt over walls, jumped over crevices and splashed across the iron rooftops, ignoring how easily his feet slipped and slid across the slick surfaces.

‘Adrien!’ Plagg cried as he flitted to Adrien’s side. ‘Be careful! You’re going to hurt yourself!’

Adrien responded by spurring himself faster. Ignoring the lightning striking threateningly close; paying no attention to the thunder shaking the world beneath his feet; disregarding the one creature actually caring for him in that moment.

He simply ran.

Because it felt _good._ It was relieving. He could feel the anger and despair being forced out of him as the rain pummelled him and the strain tore him and the air ripped at his lungs.

‘Adrien!’ Plagg yelled, ‘Please! You need to calm down! You shouldn’t-’

 _‘-I’M_ **_FINE!’_ **

Plagg looked at him in shock. Adrien ignored him. And that was when he noticed what was coming up ahead. He smiled grimly.

‘No. NO, Adrien!’ Plagg yelled.

Adrien slowed his breathing, inhaling deeply as he approached the small intersection; a gap in his rooftop path. A calming air fell over him. Plagg screamed at him to stop. And then, thunder clashing and lightning striking, he leapt. Adrien laughed. He hung suspended in the air for a euphoric second. All his grief left on the rooftop behind him.

But then he started to fall.

Adrien’s eyes widened. He wasn’t going to make it. ‘Plagg!’ he screamed as panic flooded him. The kwami flapped frantically around him as he reached and stretched and caught the gutter with a cry of relief which quickly turned into pain as his body slammed into the wall. Adrien hung there for a moment, eyes closed and shaking while the metal tore into his palms. With a choking sob, he hauled himself over the edge.

He crawled on all fours, coughing and shivering with cold and exertion.

‘Adrien…’ Plagg said gently.

But Adrien ignored him and forced himself to stand. Once more he clenched his fists and jaw and stumbled into a run. But he only managed a few steps before a muddy tile slipped out from under him and he slammed into the floor.

He burst into tears.

He cried and cried as his grief overwhelmed him like the storm raging around him and he cried .

His father was Hawkmoth. And his mother was dead.

Plagg huddled into Adrien’s shoulder as a soul-piercing wail tore itself from his throat. A terrible sound that ripped the world in two.

His mother was _dead._

Adrien convulsed and retched into a pool of water. Shuddering, he curled into a ball and clutched his hair with his fists.

His father had been the one hurting his friends, terrorising all of Paris.

His father who was Hawkmoth.

And he was doing it save his mother.

His mother who was dead.

Adrien clutched his hair tighter and groaned.

‘I can’t do this,’ he whispered, his voice cracking on the wind and tears spilling down his cheeks. ‘I…I can’t.’

Plagg huddled closer. ‘I know,’ he said.

Neither of them moved. The storm was relentless as it crashed on Adrien’s ears and pelted his body. But Plagg was warm.

Ever so slowly he lifted his head and his body until he was in a sitting position. Plagg was still curled in his shoulder. It was then that he noticed the petals stuck to him. Little white flowers tangled in his laces, caught in his pockets, trapped in his sleeves. How they had survived the race through the storm he didn’t know. He plucked them off, one by one, and held them in the palm of his hands. He stared at them. Soft, white, and damp but delicate.

Bile rose up in his throat once more as that memory resurfaced.

His mother, encased in a coffin, so beautiful and dead. The comfort of his father; his father who was Hawkmoth. The confusion that blossomed. The horror that followed. A hand held in offering: _‘Will you stand by my side?’_ Disbelief. Terror. A reality turned nightmare. Scrambling back, ripping up grass and earth, until he hit the flowering bushes. Clawing at the branches as he pulled himself to his feet, spluttering as leaves and flowers fell on and around him. His father’s empty stare. A family torn beyond repair. And then running. Racing. _Tearing_ away. Because he didn’t understand. He _couldn’t_ understand. He couldn’t- he can’t-

Adrien slammed his hand over his mouth as confusion held him down. He could physically feel the weight of it on his chest. His head pounded. His breathing quickened. He gasped. He coughed. His throat started to close up and his lungs wouldn’t respond.

‘Plagg, Plagg!’ Adrien panicked, eyes wide and hyperventilating. Plagg flew into Adrien’s face and forced him to look in his electric green eyes.

‘It’s okay, I’m here, you’re okay,’ Plagg said.

‘I… I can’t do this,’ Adrien sobbed, horrified ‘It h-hurts… and I don’t- I can’t- I _can’t_ \- I- I-’ His breathing grew faster and faster. He fell onto all fours and clenched his shivering body. He coughed; he choked; he retched. His throat closed up as he drowned in tears and rain.

‘Adrien!’ Plagg cried. Adrien lifted his head and met Plagg’s eyes. Lightning flashed overhead. Something behind the kwami lit up in the darkness. A small flash of wings, a hint of purple. _No._ His gut plunged into ice.

‘No,’ Adrien shook his head in disbelief as the little black butterfly flew closer. _‘_ No, _no,’_ he scrambled back. ‘No,’ his voice was weak; what he was seeing couldn’t be real.

Thunder clashed.

‘NO!’ He screamed when he realised his nightmare was real. ‘NO, DON’T YOU _DARE!’_ The words ripped themselves from Adrien’s throat as he dodged the fluttering Akuma. Plagg watched, frozen with terror.

‘Plagg! Plagg, _help!_ No! _NO! I DON'T WANT TO BE AKUMATISED!’_ His voice cracked as he slammed back into a chimney wall. He was trapped. ‘No, DON'T YOU ** _DARE!’_** he screamed, he sobbed. The akuma fluttered closer. **_‘DON’T YOU DARE!’_**

Adrien burst into helpless tears. _‘Please,’_ he begged.

But the Akuma didn’t hesitate as it flew into his hands.

 

* * *

 

Adrien breathed. In, and out. In. And out.

In…

And out.

The world was dark and blissfully numb.

But then he felt a tugging, a pull from deep in his gut.

And a voice spoke: ‘My son,’ it was soft and caressed his mind. ‘You want to see your mother alive and well again.’ The tugging strengthened. ‘We can bring her back,’ the voice whispered, sending shivers down Adrien's spine. He grimaced as Hawkmoth tugged at his grief, dragging his pain to the surface.

Adrien felt sick. ‘No, no,’ he mumbled as tears streamed down his cheeks. ‘I don’t…I can’t…’

‘She deserves to live.’

He trembled. ‘ _Please_ ,’ his voice cracked, ‘Not like this.’

‘We can bring her back. We can be a family once more.’

Adrien hiccuped as he held down a sob. He bit down hard on his tongue. He couldn’t say yes, yet he couldn’t say no. For a part of him - a larger part than he cared to admit - wanted Hawkmoth to succeed.

‘Don’t do it for me,’ his father whispered in his soft, sad way, ‘do it for her.’ Adrien sobbed into his hands. His felt his mind weaken. He was desperate to see her again, to hear her play piano, to see her smile, to be held in her arms. Adrien tried to fight it, he really did, but Hawkmoth pulled and pulled on his grief until it overwhelmed and consumed him.

‘A family reunited. It’s what your mother would have wanted.’

Tears flowed over his hands. Somewhere in his mind, he knew that phrase meant bad things. But the grief and rage were exhausting. 

‘Do you promise?’ he asked, his voice barely above a whisper, ‘This is really what she would want?’

The darkness swirled and Adrien breathed and Hawkmoth spoke sadly, in a strangely pained way: ‘My fallen flower,’ he said, ‘Mon Fleur Déchu…

‘I promise.’

 

* * *

 

Marinette jerked awake. The crack of thunder already fading along with her dreams. She peeled away the sheet of paper stuck to her cheek with a sigh. She’d fallen asleep at her desk, halfway through some homework. She rubbed the fatigue from her eyes and her dimming dreams danced on the back of her eyelids. They had been terrible.

Her yoyo had snapped, plunging her to the ground. Alya held a camera in her face, demanding why she was a failure of a hero. Adrien laughed at her, mocking her for her clumsiness. Chat Noir stared at her, asking why she was so cold-hearted. And everywhere were black butterflies that refused to be purified.

She shivered. She jumped up and stretched the stiff cold from her limbs and it was then that she noticed Tikki sat in the windowsill, gazing out at the rain hammering on the window.

‘Tikki? Is everything all right?’ Marinette asked. Tikki turned her wide blue eyes onto her, brimming with worry.

‘Something’s wrong with Plagg.’

Marinette’s eyes widened. ‘You two can sense each other?’

Tikki gave a small nod, ‘Only if we want to.’

Marinette frowned. ‘What does that mean?’

Tikki turned her gaze back to the rain. ‘It means something’s not-’ She broke off, eyes wide, and leapt away from the window as it shattered into a million pieces.

‘Tikki!’ Marinette exclaimed, grabbing the kwami and making sure she wasn’t hurt by the glass.

But Tikki phased through Marinette’s fingers and shot to the black thing huddled amongst the glass.

‘Help! You have to help! Tikki! Ladybug!’ it screamed.

Marinette dropped to her knees and scooped up the creature. ‘Plagg?’ He was twitching and breathing rapidly, clearly panicked.

‘Breathe, Plagg,’ Tikki soothed him, ‘What happened?’

Plagg took a shuddering breath, ‘He got Adr-’ He blanched, ‘He got someone!’

Marinette paled. ‘What do you mean, “He got someone”?’

Plagg swallowed as he met Marinette’s eyes. ‘Hawkmoth has akumatised another person. And this time it’s bad.’

He shared a knowing look at Tikki, but Marinette missed it. She was already jumping to her computer and opening up the news.

Nadja was commentating, bodies were strewn around her, all collapsed on the floor, trembling and shaking, and eerily unmoving. And there, in the background, a dark figure walked.

He was in all black with a cape that trailed white flowers in his wake; and a mask of white petals, looking deadly, yet beautiful.

The camera zoomed shakily in on his face.

His sclera were black and his gold irises, terrifying. Marinette shivered as his eyes pierced her’s through the camera. There was something strangely familiar about him.

Her eyes traced his hair, shining a shimmering gold, and the contours of his face, so handsome, if chilling.

_No._

Her blood ran cold.

‘NO!’ she gasped and slammed her hands over her mouth. _‘Adrien?’_ she whispered, staring in disbelief. ‘What happened to you?’ She gingerly brushed his silhouette with shaking fingers.

Marinette yelped once more when Adrien raised a hand and shot petals towards a line of police officers. They fired, a few petals shredded to pieces but most hit their target. Officer after officer collapsed to the ground.

‘Please,’ Plagg croaked, ‘You have to save him.’

Marinette nodded. Of course they would save him. Her and Chat Noir had never lost-

She jerked her head toward Plagg, as if seeing him for the first time. ‘What are you _doing_ here?’ she cried, ‘Why aren’t you with Chat?’

Plagg’s eyes flicked to Tikki’s and back again. ‘He told you he wouldn’t be able to help if Adrien got akumatised.’

Marinette’s eyes flashed with panic. ‘Yeah, but he didn’t mean it! He can’t have done!’

Plagg’s eyes filled with pain. ‘He’s not coming.’ Marinette stared at him with disbelief. ‘I’m sorry.’

Marinette opened her mouth to respond but screams came from the screen. Nadja collapsed to the ground and the camera followed soon after, turning the broadcast to static.

‘Please, Ladybug,’ Plagg begged.

Marinette jolted, it was jarring being called the super-heroine outside the suit. ‘You can save Adrien without Chat Noir, I know you can.’

Marinette swallowed. Thoughts and worry scrambled in her head, but she couldn’t focus on it right now. She had a victim to save. She nodded.

‘Okay, but I’m going to need help.’

 

* * *

 

It didn’t take long for Ladybug to round up a team of heroes. They swung, leapt, and bounded through the air; Ladybug at the helm, Rena Rouge, Carapace, and Queen Bee hot on her heels. None were smiling. All breathed heavily. And all were trying to ignore the gaping hole in their team made by Chat Noir’s absence. Plagg had begged to come along, but Ladybug had forced him to stay with Master Fu. He was too distraught to trust; his power too strong to let emotions get the better of him.

Ladybug came to a stop high on a rooftop. The others landed around her. They all gazed into the darkness; the storm showed no sign of letting up. Rain poured and thunder rumbled and lightning lit up the silent people scattered down the streets. It was a bone-chilling sight.

‘Maybe this is why Hawkmoth was targeting Adrien,’ Rena Rouge said, her voice oddly quiet, ‘Because he knew he’d make a strong villain.’ Ladybug didn’t say anything. ‘Who do you think did this to him?’

‘His father,’ Carapace said harshly. They all looked at him, surprised at his viciousness. He shrugged. ‘His dad’s a douche.’

‘But Hawkmoth was the one to take advantage of Adrien’s emotions,’ Ladybug said, her tone careful and precise, ‘don’t forget that.’

They all fell silent a moment and the rain pattered around them.

‘Oh, Adrien,’ Queen Bee exclaimed softly, eyes brimming with tears, ‘Where do you think he could be?’ her usual haughty scorn was replaced with concern.

Ladybug shook her head. ‘I don’t know.’

She slid open her yoyo and turned it to the news channel, but there was only static. No reporters had been successful then. She closed her yoyo, brushed her dripping fringe out her eyes, and faced the others.

‘I think we should split up.’

‘Are you sure that’s a good idea?’ Rena asked, hand splayed on her hip.

‘We’ll cover more ground that way.’

‘But what if Hawkdude catches us?’

‘Make sure he doesn’t,’ she told Carapace. He hesitated but then nodded. ‘Message when you find him, but do not engage until we are all there. Understand?’

They all nodded and took off with a splash into the watery dark.

Once they were all out of sight, Ladybug dropped down onto the street. She stood still on the pavement as water ran over her feet. And then she slowly made her way over to the nearest victim.

It was a boy, bloody and bruised, kneeling on all fours. His bike lay twisted and fallen next to him. He was shivering and shaking and was eerily silent, but she could tell his pain wasn’t from falling off his bike. She waved her hand in front of his face but he made no movement of recognition. Hesitantly she put her hand on his shoulder and gently pulled him back. The boy complied, rolling back and sitting on his heels and turned his eyes to her. Ladybug shivered. He was looking at her, but he wasn’t seeing her. His eyes were glazed over and silent tears streamed down his cheeks. She looked out at the other figures scattered down the street. All were suffering the same fair. Expressions of horror, of pain, of numbness, of shock, all wracking their bodies.

Ladybug took a step back with realisation, bringing her hands to her mouth in horror. They were all wearing expressions of grief _._ All were trapped in their heads, experiencing private horrors no-one could comprehend.

She felt ice trickle down her spine.

What must Adrien be feeling, to cast this pain, it didn’t bear thinking about.

She turned her head to the clouds and gave a shaky breath. Icy raindrops pierced her skin and flowed down her face.

Never before had she faced an Akuma without Chat Noir. There had been times when he’d sacrificed himself and she’d finished the battle alone, but they always started as a pair, as a team.

Never without him.

She clenched her fists so their shaking wouldn’t betray her anxiety. The others were all capable fighters, but Chat Noir was her _partner._ They were a _duo_. She looked back at the frozen boy and held down a sob. She _needed_ him!

Her yoyo buzzed. She exhaled with relief, grateful for an excuse to turn away from the victims and her emotions. She flipped it open to see Carapace.

‘Yo, dudes,’ he said quietly, ‘I’ve found him.’

 

* * *

 

Fleur Déchu swept down the street. Rage in his blood. Despair in his veins. Darkness in his heart as Hawkmoth pulled and pulled on the grief inside him.

Grief which everyone deserved to feel.

He paused in his steps and watched the late-night Parisians flee before him. White petals drifted across his vision, serene and tranquil. He slowly raised his hand. The petals froze in their drifting and shot towards the fleeing crowd. Within seconds every single person was collapsed on the floor, mud and dirty water splashed up their arms as grief rendered them paralysed.

He walked through them, cape billowing and petals fluttering despite the pouring rain. It flowed down his shining hair and ran off his boots, but it could not touch him. For he was a storm too. A storm of emotion and he was _never_ letting up. 

‘Adrien!’ A voice cried, ‘You don’t need to do this!’

Fleur Déchu whipped around. And there, on the rooftops, he saw them. Four silhouettes shining bright against the darkness. The red one shining brightest of them all. And all Fleur Déchu felt was hate.

With a yell, he sent a wave of petals towards the heroes.

They all scattered as they dodged the pellets, hiding behind chimneys and rooftops.

There was a thud and a blur of orange and he was surrounded by a hundred Rena Rouges. He spun on his heel and sent a wave of petals into the crowd, dispelling the illusions as they raced towards him.

He ducked in and out of their attacks, dodging flutes and sending petals back until there was only one. He dodged the real flute just in time, his petals shielding him before striking back with a wave of white. Rena flipped out the way and skidded to a halt. Her chest heaved before sprinting back towards him.

‘What do you want, Adrien?’ she yelled, bringing her flute down in a deadly strike.

‘My name’s not Adrien,’ he snarled, holding off the blow with his shield of petals - which was instantly shredded as a flying green shield decimated them.

‘Adrien, come on man, we know you’re in there!’ Carapace yelled and caught his shield. Fleur Déchu bared his teeth and lunged towards him.

Carapace rolled away and Rena jumped in once more.

The two heroes were a blur of orange and green around him. Weaving seamlessly in and out in perfect unison. But still, they couldn’t land a hit on him.

Then yellow entered the fray.

Queen Bee darted and dashed in perfect harmony with the other two. His snarl deepened as time and time again he only just managed to evade her stinger to be faced with flute and shield.

With a roar he sent another wave of petals out, forcing all them to scatter.

Fleur Déchu eyed them all with contempt as the rain formed a wall between them. They all breathed heavily. Thunder rumbled overhead.

‘You’re being ridiculous, Adrien!’ Queen Bee shouted in her haughty tone, ‘How could you let Hawkmoth control you like this?’

Fleur Déchu took a shuddering breath and looked at the heroine. Her hair whipped across her blazing eyes and he felt something stir inside him.

Queen Bee.

_Chloé._

He stood up a little straighter as doubt creeped into his mind, but it was quelled instantly by Hawkmoth.

_‘They don’t care about you. They don’t care about your mother. They don’t even care about this city and its worthless inhabitants. All they care about is preventing you from reuniting with your mother.’_

He cried with pain as Hawkmoth pulled on his grief and rage once more and drowned out all other emotions.

Fleur Déchu attacked with a scream. Petals flew like bullets and sent the heroes scrambling for cover. His eyes lit up when Carapace rolled just a second too slow, but he was saved from harm by a yoyo from above.

Fleur Déchu raised his gaze to meet Ladybug’s. Red against black, she was a terrifying sight; hair whipping in the wind and eyes thunderous as the storm around her.

 _ _‘_ Where’s Chat Noir? _’_ _ Hawkmoth spoke in his mind.

He didn’t reply.

‘Hawkmoth!’ Ladybug yelled staring right through him, ‘What do you stand to gain?’

Hawkmoth was silent in his mind and Fleur Déchu glared blankly up at her. Ladybug then jumped down onto the street. He jumped back into his stance, petals quivering by his head, but didn’t attack. Ladybug shifted her gaze to stare right at him. Right at his soul.

‘You don’t need to do this, Adrien,’ she said softly.

‘My name’s not Adrien,’ he repeated, ‘and I’m going to save my mother.’ He held out his hand, ‘So give me your miraculous.’

‘You know I can’t do that,’ she said, her expression pained. He lowered his hand as anger bubbled in his veins.

‘Then feel the grief I feel.’

With a yell, he sent a volley of attacks towards Ladybug and the others.

They ducked, rolled and leapt out the way as they dodged strike after strike, petal after petal. And the rage built and built inside him.

‘YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE PAIN I FEEL!’ he screamed as he sent another onslaught of white. Petal’s shot with unnerving speed and this time, they hit a target. Queen Bee collapsed on all fours, shuddering and shaking as silent tears flowed down her cheeks.

‘ALL I WANT IS TO SAVE SOMEONE I LOVE!’ he cried with fury, sending a blast towards Carapace and Rena. They collapsed to their knees in shock and horror.

He turned on Ladybug, the only one standing, and met her terror-stricken gaze with a pained one of his own.

‘Why are you denying me that?’

He raised his hand to prepare an attack but something made him stop. He thought it was just the rain, but no. She was crying.

‘Adrien.’ Fleur Déchu shivered. Something about her voice hit his soul. ‘You don’t need to hit me to make me grieve. Watching you like this, it fills me with more pain than you know.’ He looked into her eyes. He staggered. They were so sorrowful and blue.

A memory flashed in his head, of them playing games in his room.

        They were laughing together.

        They were hugging each other.

        They were falling asleep in each other’s arms.

‘You don’t need to do this,’ she said, taking a step closer to him.

He wavered.

 _‘No! Remember your mother, Fleur Déchu!’_ Hawkmoth yelled, _‘Remember why you’re here!’_

Tears, real tears, welled in his eyes. ‘She’s gone,’ he choked, ‘This is the only way.’

‘There’s always a way. Choose love, choose life!’ her voice dropped to a whisper as she moved closer, ‘Choose me.’

Fleur Déchu stumbled and clenched his hair in his fists as another wave of memories overwhelmed him.

        He was by her side on patrol, bounding through the air as she flew by his side. 

        They were munching on cookies she had brought, high up on the Eiffel tower as the stars shone down on the both of them.

        They were fighting an Akuma, scared and desperate, but Ladybug gave him an unwavering smile which told him they could win.

‘I love you, Adrien.’

His head shot up.

She was right in front of him, close enough to touch, close enough to attack…

His hands fell limply to his side and the quivering petals drifted harmlessly to the floor.

Ladybug reached for his hand. She gently tugged at the petals in his grip.

_‘NO!’_

Hawkmoth’s rage flooded Adrien’s mind and forced him to knock Ladybug to the floor. She gasped, winded.

Adrien’s eyes widened with horror as he was forced to raise a trembling hand, and sent a petal shooting towards Ladybug. She closed her eyes and raised a hand in defence.

‘No!’ Adrien screamed and the petal froze an inch from her face, quivered in the air. He gritted his teeth and grimaced with the effort. Ladybug slowly opened her eyes. She looked past the petal to Adrien, eyes widening with realisation. Adrien gave a wordless cry of exertion as his hand violently shook.

‘NO!’ he screamed and tore his hand back. ‘No, I won’t hurt her!’ He doubled over and clenched his whole body as he fought off Hawkmoth’s control.

‘Get out! Get out of my head!’ Adrien stumbled back, _‘I won’t hurt her!’_ he held his head in his hands. ‘I’m a hero,’ he fell to his knees. ‘I’m a _HERO!’_ he roared. ‘I’m her _PARTNER!’_ He started sobbing. _‘I-I love her.’_ He groaned. _‘I LOVE HER!’_ he screamed, a gut-wrenching wail. ‘She’s my partner and I love her and _GET OUT MY HEAD!’_ He heaved. **_‘GET OUT!’_** The scream ripped itself from his lungs.

He fell on all fours with a splash of muddy water, coughing and spluttering as thunder rumbled overhead.

A little black butterfly fluttered around in the rain.

And Ladybug stared at him in shock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So partly why this chapter took a while was because I struggled a bit with Adrien’s akumatised persona. I’m still not a hundred percent happy, but I didn’t want to go with Chat Blanc cause i thought that was kinda obvious, you know? Also I’m not a fan of Adrien’s akumatised name but I couldn’t come up with anything better. But i don’t hate it so all’s good.
> 
> Finally I just want to say I know i’m not the fastest updater, but I really appreciate you all sticking with me and this story, so thank you, really :)
> 
> btw if any of you are interested, [this](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0v4WhXW6hHWLRJ44qGMSI1?si=UKr4Z8CpTSW6zPjxUF-3Mg) is the playlist ~~full of depressing music~~ i made to help me write this story


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